Moments
by Dreams and Dust
Summary: She doesn't know who she is, in fact, she doesn't remember anything prior to waking up in Central City hospital with Jesse Quick watching over her. Barry Allen is convinced he can get those memories back. Or, at least, Earth-1 Barry believes he can.
1. Prologue

_February 2016. Current Day._

The door opened. Barry wasn't sure what he was going to find in his Earth 2 doppelganger's apartment. Earth 2 Iris seemed to think it hosted something evil in there, but what could be so bad that Earth 2 Iris avoided his doppelganger like the plague?

He stepped into the apartment and was overwhelmed with the scent of blueberries. It was a cozy loft styled apartment in Central City. A few dishes were left in the double sink on the left side and white breezy curtains swayed by the large open window in front of him, a window so large that he could see an amazing view of the city. A huge couch was laid perpendicular to him as he stood at the door, facing a mounted large screen TV that was held over a fireplace. A freshly made batch of blueberry cupcakes laid on the counter top island in the kitchen. It looked very similar to the ones he used to have back home, his own home.

9 months ago.

He gingerly picked one up, bringing it to his nose. Without thinking, his hands peeled back the paper, and he ate it. It tasted just like how he remembered them to taste.

His eyes darted around the room, gently finishing the cupcake as he did. Licking off the frosting from his lips, he placed the wrapper on the counter, quietly walking the large living room towards the hallway on the right of the entrance.

He passed by the first room on his left. It was a nicely furnished guestroom with the door wide open. He continued down the hallway, passing by a large bathroom and gently pushed the door to the last room. The door creaked open. It was the master bedroom with a large bed in the middle and huge windows to the left. A dresser was placed across from it but what was most amazing was the photographs all lined up on top of the dresser and on the board mounted on the wall over the dresser.

It was pictures of Reed and him. Smiling. Laughing. Kissing.

Barry walked over in front of them, standing in awe and his eyes switched between them all. His hands reached to grab one.

"Bare" a soft voice gushed out his name. Barry froze. His hands twitching to close in a fist. Was he dreaming again?

Soft arms wrapped around his waist, weight falling on his back like a cushion.

"I thought you were working late tonight?"

Barry slowly turned around. His eyes met with brown eyes peering through soft light brown hair that was so long, it tickled his hands as he unconsciously laid one on her waist and one gripped her face.

"You're here" he whispered. The words leaving his mouth before he realized it, "how-what?"

Her head tilted into the comfort of his palm, eyes closing as she turned to kiss it before opening them again.

"Of course I am. I told you I had the next few days off, didn't I?" she said back with a teasing grin.

Reed stood on her tip toes, her arms snaking up his body for them to wrap around his neck. Barry's arms wrapped around her waist in response. Reed kissed him, softly but with pressure. Barry couldn't help but close his eyes, kissing her deeper, pulling her closer, his fingers dancing up and down her sides, her body clothed in nothing but a loose t-shirt and some underwear, her chest pressed right up against his.

'I'm home.' he thought.

Reed slowly pulled away. He followed her, unwilling for his dream to end. Reed laughed against his lips, slightly smacking his shoulder with her right arm, and he relented, letting her lips go.

Barry opened his eyes, staring back into her eyes. The same shade without the fade from his memories, the twinkle in them as bright as he could ever remember.

"I love you Reed" the words fell off his lips in an absent minded thought, "I love you so much." his voice cracked.

Reed furrowed her eyebrows, her eyes narrowing in confusion and hurt, stepping back to look at him more closely. Barry's heart fell out.

"Who's Reed?"


	2. Earth 1: Aftermath

_May 2015. 9 Months Ago._

Ash and dust fell over Central City, like a light and dirty snow, coating everything in grey.

A blur of light raced downwards, zipping through between what was left of the buildings. Barry's eyes raced, trying to catch a glimpse of the remaining half of the duo that went up with him. His eyes finally caught Professor Stein and he leapt, drawing the Professor into his arms, pushing through the exhaustion of the day and stumbled into a landing. Professor Stein fell out of his grip as he rolled into a stop on the ground. The singularity had closed. Central City was safe. Barry half crawled, half pulled himself up to check on Professor Stein.

Barry placed his fingers on the side of the Professor's neck, trying to feel his heart. Professor Stein breathed shakily, his pulse strong with a cold sweat running down his forehead, covered in the ash floating down. Professor Stein slowly opened his eyes, looking around with just as much confusion and fear as Barry felt.

"Ronald-Ronald" he breathed out, frantically looking to Barry. His hands reached up, shaking towards Barry, trying to grasp something solid.

Barry swallowed harshly, shaking his head and backing away slowly, remembering the light of the explosion. Only one body came out.

Martin Stein.

Ronnie.

Martin without Ronnie.

Ronnie was gone. He was dead.

Barry felt like he was watching everything from a detached view, like his mind and body weren't connected. His eyes shifted over everything around him. The dark ash that filled the grey skies. The buildings that were torn apart. The people screaming for help. Barry knew, in the back of his mind, that he had suffered from some injuries but he couldn't think. His mind was as numb as the rest of his body, swirling in confusion at the events that occurred in the last few hours.

His eyes landed on his friends who ran over to him and Professor Stein.

Barry slowly stood up. His gait wobbly as he moved out of the way for Caitlin to look over Professor Stein. Something was wrong. It wasn't just the tears that were streaked on all their faces but something else was wrong. He looked past everyone that was around him. Barry's mouth ran dry, his heart pounding through his ears.

Blue. Where was the blue?

Caitlin frantically grabbed at his arms, her eyes terrified and broken.

"Ronnie, where's Ronnie?" she gasped out.

Another sharp pain went through his heart. He shook his head, trying to say the words to the grieving widow who lost the love of her life twice.

Caitlin wailed, falling down to the ground, crying loudly and profusely, "No, no, no". Cisco held her tightly, his face equally as devastated. "Ronnie, Ronnie" Caitlin repeated, hitting Cisco's chest with her fist, sobbing and heaving in loud gasps. Cisco just brought her closer to him.

Ronnie.

Eddie.

Gone.

Blue.

Where was the cotton candy blue?

 _'Come back to me'._

Iris looked at him, shaking her head with tears streaming down her face, tears that were becoming a permanent feature on her face.

His heart stopped. He felt like he couldn't breathe. He turned his eyes on Cisco, trying to find another answer.

Blue. Where was the cotton candy blue?

Cisco opened his mouth but the words wouldn't leave his mouth. He closed them, his arms wrapping around even more tightly around Caitlin.

Barry turned to Joe, who moved towards him, hugging him close like he did when he was a kid. Joe wrapped Barry up in his arms, trying to shield him from the rest of the world.

"She went up." he explained in a broken voice, "Giselle went up after you with Ronnie and Professor Stein. She let herself get pulled up by the gravity and contained the fallout. She disintegrated everything."

Barry's legs gave out under him, feeling his words choking in his throat.

Why? Why? Why?

Her cotton candy blue hair, brown eyes, pink lips, dirt over her clothes. The last image he had of her.

 _'Come back to me'._

Barry screamed.

 _'Come back to me'._

Ronald Raymond. Edward Thawne. Giselle Reed Summers.

 _'Come back to me'._

Tears streamed over his soot covered face. He couldn't even feel his wounds.

 _'Come back to me'._

He curled up in his surrogate father's arms, clenching his fists tight.

"But I came back. I came back." he gasped out incoherently over and over again.

This is what dying felt like.

* * *

 _May 2015. 3 Days after the Singularity._

There were no bodies to bury.

There were no bodies to bury but they hosted a funeral anyways. Joe forced Barry into black, to pay his respects to the people he loved when all Barry wanted to do was join them. Joe found these light blue roses for everyone to place on Reed's grave.

The sight made Barry want to throw up.

He couldn't stand the color anymore. He couldn't stand blueberries. Cupcakes. Wildflowers. He couldn't watch The Office, listen to show tunes without thinking about her. Every aspect of his life, from CCPD to S.T.A.R. Labs to the Italian restaurant a block away from CC Jitters…they were filled with memories of Reed, especially the new apartment they bought together in the East end of Central City, a 15 minute bus ride from Joe's and S.T.A.R. Labs.

He hadn't been there since Reed went up. Joe wanted to keep him and Iris close, watching his kids like a hawk. Barry couldn't stop thinking. It was his own fault. If only he'd been faster. If only he could've stopped Eobard. If only he never went back.

Faster. Faster. Faster. Why wasn't he faster?

Barry ran.

Ronnie.

Eddie.

Reed.

There were no bodies to bury.


End file.
